I am so excited about all of your responses to this subject, I received a lot of feedback here and on Facebook.
I want to be clear here that my career is NOT what ultimately caused either breakup, but did play a starring role in both relationships, whether on the forefront or on the back burner. I am just trying to find my way through all of this and make sense out of what happened, and I know that finding balance within my work life will prove beneficial to a future partner. I have no problem dropping everything on occassion, but dropping the ball completely can't ever happen again. I think there is pressure from both sides when you are in a relationship,one flame wanted all of my time, and the other wanted none of it. Its confusing going from one extreme to the other, and its just plain diffucult owning your own business and trying to have a life.
I have made some major changes over the past year, and this mission to find balance has been a major concern. I have been on this mission to get my life under control so that I have room for someone else in it. This is something I have never been willing to compromise on until now, I have worked my butt off for years to get here, and if I had compromised I would never have arrived. Now that I am finally here, reaching my goals, I can only hope that its not too late. I didn't make very much time for friends or romantic partners, and I feel like I have missed so many precious moments with my family that I can never get back. Many sacrifices have been made along the way, I have missed out on a lot.
Things will always get hectic and there will most likely always be times when my ideal 10-12 hour day will run long and for days on end, and my friend, family or partner is going to have to be able to accept that, but I am also aware now of what the limits are on either side of the coin and feel prepared to deal with it. The issue is bigger than the hours in my day, its about the room we make for eachother and ourselves in our hearts.
I am in the midst of an ass kicking week, I have been working non-stop and being locked up in the studio for days in a row is taking an emotional toll. I have crossed the threshold into "so tired that I am going to cry", I am taking the day off.
2 comments:
Balance is really very difficult to acheive as a self employed artist--everything happens in waves and I have found it helpful to recognize the busy periods, inform my sweetie and son about my crazed schedule, (let them know I will need much more space, I won't be cooking or cleaning much, or be fully energized for romance, for that matter) and then as soon as I have a break I take it and catch up on our time together, attend to the house and garden a bit more etc... I know the next wave will be coming and I don't do well for myself, my work or my relationships when I'm completely fried.
As far as my relationship goes, I did want to share one thing that is helpful: I check in often with my sweetie and ask him how it's going--what he needs, what he's missing, if anything. Usually he tells me that he's good and understands where I'm at with my work, but often he'll request a date. I really appreciate him expressing his needs and expectations, and we use it as a chance to let each other know what is going on in our worlds. I feel this preempts dissappointment somewhat, and gives us a chance to look at what we want to do with the relationship.
Heather--good luck in all this--your work is so beautiful, please take care of yourself and don't get burned out.
I think the nicest thing is to get our dreams and to share with our loved ones. Without this second part does not make much sense to fight for something. Sharing with your partner or your family, your accomplishments, that's what's important.
The work for a man is very important because it raises their self-esteem and ego, and since the world began, women have always been adapted to work schedules or business man with patience, but times have changed and the woman who starting a business requires many hours a day and for a long time for the business up and running, is this man prepared to adapt to a woman entrepreneur? Do you have enough patience? No, most men do not. Women have to juggle to keep things running at home or with your partner, yet keep your job or business, the superwoman. Neither is easy for a man unwise (and also some smart passes them) live with a successful woman if they are not getting any success, do not like to feel overshadowed. And we always have to pretend to be a little foolish, ha, ha, ha. The times are changing but changing faster in the mind of a woman.
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